Today, Jason turned 25. Good for him.

Jason actually might be my longest running friend. I know I'm nowhere near that to him, but I also hate people quite a bit.

More than Jason? No no. Jason hates most everyone and everything. He's actually afraid of everything he doesn't hate. There are some things he is both afraid and hateful of (cobras, spiders, cleaning the toilet, the dark), but that doesn't detract from who he is.

I don't know who he is exactly. I was hoping that I would have something nice to say about how he's a great friend and person and how everyone should be envious of my friendship with Jason.

Sadly, those kind words would be unjustified.

So please, wish Jason a happy birthday. Mostly because I did it in the most dick way possible. It's all revenge for calling out my sweet sweet Alicia Keys.

I don't have a haiku to write about Amy Winehouse either. She's uglier on the inside than she is on the outside and she looks like pure shit on the outside. Take that, stupid.

I also want to add that I beat him so bad/often in Smash Bros. that I shamed him into selling his Wii.

Sorry for the long rambling stream of bull shit everyone.

Happy birthday Jason. Go fuck yourself.
Love,
Marvin